Third-Person Self-Talk
Third-person self-talk uses your name or third-person pronouns to describe your own situation. This can create enough distance to examine a stressful experience and choose a response.
THE IDEA
Engage in Third-Person Self-Talk
Describe a stressful situation using your name or a third-person pronoun. This invites you to consider your experience as you might consider someone else’s: what happened, what are they feeling, and what can they do next?
The aim is to gain perspective, rather than force a positive conclusion. Acknowledge the feeling, then identify a practical next step. Notice whether the change in wording helps you think more clearly; it need not reduce every emotion.
When to use it
Pausing before responding to an ordinary stressful situation.
When reflecting on past failures to gain perspective and reduce rumination
In preparing for a difficult conversation or performance to boost confidence
As a daily practice to strengthen emotional regulation over time
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Managing Anxiety Before a Presentation
Before a presentation, try describing your situation by name: '[Your Name] is feeling nervous, but [Your Name] has prepared well and can handle this.' Then identify a concrete next action, such as reviewing the opening sentence.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a recent stressful event. How would describing it in third person change your emotional response?
When you catch yourself using 'I' in harsh self-talk, how does the statement change if you describe the situation using your name?
In what situations do you find it hardest to adopt a third-person perspective? Why?
Often confused with
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Thinking in Systems and Mental Models Think Like a Super Thinker (Dawson, Marcus P)