You Can Choose Your Communities Online

YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR COMMUNITIES ONLINE

For all that people complain about how toxic Twitter, Facebook, and the rest of the internet can be, they don’t often seem to put in much effort to craft a better online experience for themselves. Sure, there are plenty of trolls, overconfident pundits, uncharitable talk show hosts, and intellectually dishonest influencers. But you don’t have to give them your attention. You can choose to read, follow, and engage with the exceptions to the rule instead.

We visited one of those exceptions in chapter 12—r/FeMRADebates, the home of productive disagreements between feminists and men’s rights activists. Another example is ChangeAView.com, an online community founded by a Finnish high school student named Kal Turnbull that has grown to over half a million members.

On ChangeAView, people kick off discussions by sharing a view that they’re open to changing their mind about. For example, a post might begin, “Change my view: Realistically, there’s nothing that can be done to prevent climate change,” or “Change my view: All drugs should be legal.” Other commenters reply with arguments against the view, and the original poster awards a “delta” to anyone who causes them to change their mind in some way.* That usually doesn’t mean a 180-degree reversal, but a small update—an exception to their view or an interesting counterargument they hadn’t heard before and aren’t yet sure they buy.

People want to earn deltas. They’re the currency of status in ChangeAView, with each member’s cumulative delta count displayed next to their name. Over time, people develop communication styles that more reliably yield deltas, such as asking clarifying questions and trying not to outright insult people whose minds they’re hoping to change.

Partly because of the explicit community rules, and partly just because of the type of person who is attracted to such a community, the tone of discussions on ChangeAView is very different from that on most of the internet. It wasn’t hard to find examples of comments like the following, any of which would be outliers elsewhere:

• “This is a very interesting response which takes me in an entirely unanticipated direction. Thank you.”11
• “That is something that I had not considered. I think you deserve a delta.”12
• “I don’t have any counterpoint. I think this is probably the most persuasive argument I’ve seen on here so far, but I’m not sure if it’s changed my view yet. I guess I’m still processing it.”13

The people you read, follow, and talk to online help shape your identity just like the people in your “real-life” communities do. That can reinforce soldier mindset if you spend your time with people who make you feel angry, defensive, and contemptuous. Or it can reinforce scout mindset if you spend your time in places like ChangeAView or r/FeMRADebates. You can even create a loosely knit “community” for yourself by making connections with people you see setting a good example of scout mindset online—bloggers, authors, or just random people on social media.

You never know what might happen if you do.

One week in 2010, I was following a heated debate online over whether a particular blog post was sexist. The blogger, a man in his midtwenties named Luke, chimed in to say that he had considered his critics’ arguments carefully but didn’t think that there was anything wrong with his post. Still, he said, he was open to changing his mind. He even published a list titled “Why It’s Plausible I’m Wrong,” in which he summarized and linked to some of the best arguments against him so far, while explaining why he wasn’t quite persuaded by them.

A few days later—by which point the debate spanned over 1,500 comments across multiple blogs—Luke posted again. He wanted to let everyone know that he had found an argument that had convinced him that his original post was harmful.

He had surely already alienated many readers who believed his original post to be morally wrong, Luke acknowledged. “And now, by disagreeing with those who came to my defense and said there was nothing wrong with my post, I’ll probably alienate even more readers,” he said. “Well, that’s too bad, because I do think it was morally wrong.”14

“Wow,” I thought. I admired both the fact that Luke didn’t change his mind in the face of strong pressure, and the fact that he did change his mind in response to strong arguments. I decided to message him and share my appreciation: “Hey, this is Julia Galef—just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtful writing! It feels like you actually care what’s true.”

“Hey, thanks—I feel the same way about your writing,” Luke replied.

Ten years after that exchange, we’re engaged to be married.