Yellow Personality: Self-Centered Behavior
In Erikson’s color framework, Yellow behavior can include dominating conversations, interrupting others and returning to one’s own experiences. His story of Gustav shows how this can crowd other people out.
THE IDEA
“Me! Me!! Me!!!”
Yellows aren’t necessarily more selfish than others, but they always seem to be. Why? Mostly because of their dialogue, since they primarily talk about themselves. And when other people are not sufficiently interesting and exciting, a Yellow will interrupt and guide the topic towards something far more interesting—not infrequently himself.
I remember a seller I encountered during a conference with a pharmaceutical company a few years ago. Gustav exhibited all of the less successful aspects of Yellow behavior, and the problem was that he was completely unaware of it. He very rarely spoke about anything but himself and the things he had done, and he behaved as if he were the one who was leading the conference and not me. I have my methods to deal with those boys. But it’s amusing to study them for a while before I adjust their behavior with a few choice words during the first break.
A few examples: Every time I put a question to the group, Gustav answered. His quick answers would have indicated engagement—if it had not been for the fact that he was often actually spewing nonsense. He simply said the things that popped into his head. He couldn’t keep his thoughts in his own head, and everything just tumbled out. When I directed my attention to one of Gustav’s colleagues instead of him, he simply leaned into my field of vision and continued talking.
When I began directing questions to specific people in the room—simply calling them by name—Gustav answered anyway. Pretty impressive, right? He would speak for a while and then ask Sven, “That’s what you were going to say, right, Sven?” Sven just shook his head. He was used to this. Gustav continued like that the whole morning before I could rein him in. He just charged in whenever there was a gap or a few seconds’ silence.
He never allowed anyone to speak and everything he said was to be taken as gospel truth. He dominated the room without even thinking about the other nineteen people. The funny thing was that everyone was aware of what was going on. But no one had the energy to stand up to Gustav. They just stared at me with slight desperation in their eyes, hoping that I had some way of silencing him.
During lunch, he proclaimed far and wide, so that everyone heard it, that he thought the conference was going very well. By that point the majority of the group hated the very sound of his voice. They could barely put up with him. To save them from their suffering, I had to have a quick feedback intervention with him during the coffee break.
When to use it
In a brainstorming session, be mindful of how often you speak versus others to ensure diverse ideas are heard.
When leading a workshop or conference, plan techniques to manage dominant participants and encourage quieter voices.
In a social setting, practice active listening and ask follow-up questions to shift focus from yourself to others.
During a feedback session, recognize if you tend to deflect criticism by turning the conversation to your own accomplishments.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Gustav at the Conference
At a pharmaceutical conference, a Yellow named Gustav dominated the session by answering every question, interrupting colleagues, and speaking only about himself. He redirected questions meant for others, interrupted silences, and failed to notice the frustration of the other nineteen participants. The facilitator eventually had to intervene with feedback.
A Yellow in a Team Meeting
During a project meeting, a Yellow team member repeatedly steers the conversation toward their own achievements, interrupts colleagues who begin to speak, and dismisses others’ ideas by offering their own unsolicited suggestions. The team becomes disengaged and reluctant to contribute.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Do you notice yourself interrupting others or steering conversations toward your own experiences? How might that affect your relationships?
Think of a time you were in a meeting dominated by one person. How did it feel, and what could have been done differently?
How can you balance sharing your own perspective with inviting input from others, especially when you have a lot to say?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)