We Make Unconscious Trade-Offs

WE MAKE UNCONSCIOUS TRADE-OFFS

This is one of the paradoxes of being human: that our beliefs serve such different purposes all at once. Invariably, we end up making trade-offs.

We trade off between judgment and belonging. If you live in a tight-knit community, it might be easier to fit in if you use soldier mindset to fight off any doubts you have about your community’s core beliefs and values. On the other hand, if you do allow yourself to entertain those doubts, you might realize you’re better off rejecting your community’s views on morality, religion, or gender roles, and deciding to live a less traditional life.

We trade off between judgment and persuasion. A friend of mine used to work at a well-known charity and marveled at how its president was able to convince himself that every dollar in the budget was well spent, so that he could make that case to potential donors. On the other hand, the president’s self-deception also made him unwilling to cut failing programs—because in his mind, they weren’t failing. “You would have a real debate on your hands trying to prove to him something that was so obvious,” my friend recalled. In this case, soldier mindset made the president better at persuading people to give him money, but worse at deciding how to use that money.

We trade off between judgment and morale. When you come up with a plan, focusing only on its positives (“This is such a great idea!”) can help you work up enthusiasm and motivation to carry it out. On the other hand, if you scrutinize your plan for flaws (“What are the downsides? How might this fail?”), you’re more likely to notice if there’s a better plan you should switch to instead.

We make these trade-offs, and many more, all the time, usually without even realizing we’re doing so. After all, the whole point of self-deception is that it’s occurring beneath our conscious awareness. If you were to find yourself thinking, explicitly, “Should I admit to myself that I screwed up?” the issue would already be moot. So it’s left up to our unconscious minds to choose, on a case-by-case basis, which goals to prioritize. Sometimes we choose soldier mindset, furthering our emotional or social goals at the expense of accuracy. Sometimes we choose scout mindset, seeking out the truth even if it turns out not to be what we were hoping for.

And sometimes our unconscious minds attempt to have it both ways. When I used to teach educational workshops, I made a point of checking in with my students to find out how things were going for them. I knew that if a student was confused or unhappy, it was better to find out sooner rather than later, so I could try to fix the problem. Seeking out feedback has never been easy for me, so I was proud of myself for doing the virtuous thing this time.

At least, I was proud, until I realized something I was doing that had previously escaped my notice. Whenever I asked a student, “So, are you enjoying the workshop?” I would begin nodding, with an encouraging smile on my face, as if to say, The answer is yes, right? Please say yes. Clearly, my desire to protect my self-esteem and happiness was in competition with my desire to learn about problems so that I could fix them. That memory of myself requesting honest feedback while nodding encouragingly and asking leading questions is now imprinted on my brain—the tension between the soldier and scout in a single image.