The Red Personality: Handling Dominant and Decisive People
For people he describes as Red, Erikson recommends stating an opinion directly and explaining its basis. His advice emphasizes assertiveness when dealing with a dominant or confrontational person.
THE IDEA
“YOU DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW? THEN WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME WITH YOU?”
It may sound like a contradiction, but a Red would also like you to be determined and direct. Although he often demands that he make all the important decisions himself, he strongly dislikes dealing with vacillating people. Dancing the hesitation waltz does not instill trust. Comments like “It’s hard to say,” “It depends,” or “I don’t really know what to say” just frustrate Reds.
If you have an opinion, out with it. Reds judge you on how driven you are. You should listen to them, of course, but you must have an opinion of your own. Otherwise, you’re weak, and that’s not a quality that will win you any points.
Keep in mind that we all like people in whom we can recognize ourselves. A Red won’t meet other Reds every day, so when he actually does he’s pleasantly surprised. “An equal! Wonderful!” I have met Reds who have rubbed their hands gleefully before starting a heated debate.
Conclusion: Deliver your opinion without blinking. In the end, you might have to concede, but never sell yourself short. A Red can rattle and rumble, stamp on the floor, raise his voice, and shake his fist. Many people back off in the face of this behavior. It’s not pleasant to be shouted at, is it?
Well, the worst thing you can do is back away and let him walk all over you. If a Red is permitted to walk over you, you lose something very important in his eyes—respect. If he doesn’t respect you, he’ll eat you alive. And walk over you again and again and again until you become completely and totally marginalized. You won’t be someone to be reckoned with in the future. A complete doormat.
The best thing you can do is place yourself in the center of the storm, telling him that he’s wrong. When a Red discovers that you won’t give in, he will turn in an instant. If you know what you are talking about, that is.
When to use it
Negotiating a deal with a dominant business partner who expects decisive answers.
Speaking up in a team meeting led by a decisive leader who dislikes indecisiveness.
Handling a confrontational customer or client who challenges your authority.
Interacting with a strong-willed family member during a heated discussion about plans or values.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Business Meeting with a Red Manager
During a project review, a decisive manager asks for your opinion. Rather than leave the answer at 'I'm not sure, it depends,' identify the condition that matters: 'I think the strategy has merit but the timeline is too aggressive. Let me explain why.' This makes your position clear without claiming more certainty than you have.
Debate with a Red Friend
A friend aggressively challenges your political view. You can explain your reasoning calmly: 'I understand your point, but here is why I see it differently.' You can also acknowledge a good objection or end an abusive exchange; disagreeing is not a guarantee of gaining respect.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a recent interaction with a dominant person. Did you express your opinion clearly or did you hesitate? How did they react?
How can you balance assertiveness with respect when dealing with a Red personality in a professional setting?
What strategies can you use to maintain your ground without escalating conflict when facing a Red's intimidating behavior?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)