The Energy Cost of Emotional Intelligence and Adaptation
Erikson argues that adapting communication to different people requires effort. He describes how fatigue or uncertainty can make it harder to sustain an unfamiliar style.
THE IDEA
People Are Obviously Different. So What Do You Do About It?
How should we handle people who are different from us when they react and function in completely different ways? Can you take on various kinds of personalities in different situations? An interesting question. If it were possible to behave 100 percent like a chameleon—completely changing your behavior depending on whom you’re with—would it be a good idea to try? It’s natural for us to be who we are, to exhibit our own core behavior. But for a variety of reasons, we can feel the need to adapt to those around us. There’s often a lot of talk about how we must be flexible and adaptable so that we can cope with a wide variety of situations and are able to respond to many different types of people. The term has even been given a name—EI (emotional intelligence) or EQ (emotional quotient). To cope with this constant need for adaptation, it’s important that we’re aware that adaptation demands effort and takes a lot of energy.
Our natural condition is to exhibit our core behavior. Our “unnatural” behavior is to continually adapt to others, and this requires ability, training, and energy. If we’re uncertain as to what is “right” in a situation, if we’re untrained or lack sufficient energy to cope with the role that we currently believe is the right one, we will be frightened, hesitant, and often stressed. As a result, we lose even more energy and our core behavior becomes increasingly visible—often to the great surprise of those around us, who are used to seeing us behave in a certain way.
When to use it
Negotiating with a client from a different cultural background, requiring careful adjustment of communication and expectations.
Teaching a class whose students differ in prior knowledge and support needs, adjusting explanations in response to their questions.
Collaborating cross-functionally in a company where each team has its own culture and norms.
Providing customer support where each interaction demands a different tone and problem-solving approach.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Manager adapting to team members
A manager leads a team with diverse personalities: one direct, one analytical, one supportive. To communicate effectively, the manager must adjust their style for each conversation. Over time, this constant adaptation can be exhausting, especially when there is little preparation or recovery time between conversations.
Salesperson adjusting to customers
A salesperson needs to read each customer's verbal and non-verbal cues to tailor their pitch. After a long day of switching between different customer types, the salesperson may feel drained and revert to their default style, potentially losing a sale if the customer expects a different approach.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a recent situation where you had to adapt to someone else's behavior. How did it feel? Did you have the energy to sustain the adaptation?
In your personal or professional life, where do you draw the line between being authentic and adapting to others? How do you decide?
What strategies can you use to replenish energy after extensive adaptation?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)