The Challenge of Speaking Your Mind
Erikson describes why people find giving and receiving feedback uncomfortable. He warns that avoiding feedback altogether leaves important issues unaddressed.
THE IDEA
The Challenge of Speaking Your Mind
Who looks forward to bad news? No one. And yet, every now and then, we still need to break some bad news. In the world around us, the unexpected can happen, and sometimes the lot falls to you to inform someone about something negative. Reds are the best at delivering news that no one wants to hear. Rather insensitively, they’ll just come out and say that you’ve been fired, before asking you if you would like milk in your coffee. Tricky? No, not at all. He was just finished with the task at hand.
But there’s a difference, of course, between bad news and bad news. It’s one thing to convey a personal criticism and another to tell you that your grandmother has just died. The latter is always difficult, and no one will receive that news well. However, the former can be fine-tuned and adjusted in a way that makes it easier for someone to receive.
Feedback alone is a gigantic topic. It gives many people a stomachache just thinking about it, and many people I meet during my leadership programs find this area particularly difficult. Not only is it difficult to give feedback, but it also seems to be difficult to receive it. This is really strange, because the latter means just sitting there and listening. But anyone who has received some hard criticism and left the room afterwards knows that sometimes you can’t utter a word. When delivered badly, it will leave you feeling sick.
The solution for many executives I meet seems to be simply skipping giving any kind of feedback. We don’t know how to give either positive or negative feedback, so we ignore it. I hardly need to point out why this isn’t a good solution.
When to use it
A manager needs to tell an employee they are being let go.
A team member must inform a colleague that their project proposal was rejected.
A parent needs to tell their child about a disappointing grade.
An executive must announce a company-wide restructuring that will result in layoffs.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Delivering bad news insensitively
A Red personality type might bluntly announce, 'You're fired. Would you like milk in your coffee?' This shows insensitivity to the recipient's feelings and fails to consider the emotional impact.
Constructive criticism
When giving critical feedback, it is important to be constructive and considerate, such as framing it as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal attack. For example, instead of saying 'Your report was poorly written,' say 'The report could be strengthened by adding more data and clearer structure.'
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
How do you typically react when receiving bad news? Does the way it is delivered affect your reaction?
Think of a time you had to deliver bad news. How could you have delivered it more effectively?
Why do many people avoid giving feedback, and what are the consequences of that avoidance?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)