Signs of a Scout
Feeling objective does not establish that you are examining a situation fairly. Galef uses a disagreement about a pet to show how calmly presenting a preference can be mistaken for considering another person’s perspective.
THE IDEA
Signs of a Scout
One of my guilty reading pleasures is a forum on Reddit called “Am I the Asshole?” in which people describe a recent conflict in their lives and ask others to weigh in on who was in the right.
In a post from 2018, someone on the forum described the following dilemma.1 He’s been dating a girl for a year and wants her to live with him. The problem is that she owns a cat, and he finds cats annoying. Therefore, he would like his girlfriend to give away her cat before moving in. But even though he has explained his position to her “very calmly and rationally,” as he put it, his girlfriend is refusing to budge. She and her cat are a package deal, she says. He thinks she’s being unreasonable, and he appeals to Reddit to back him up.
They do not back him up. Instead, they inform him that although he may not like cats, people’s pets are extremely important to them, and you can’t just ask someone to give away their cat because you find it annoying. The verdict in this case was far more unanimous than usual: “Yes, you’re the asshole.”
A key factor preventing us from being in scout mindset more frequently is our conviction that we’re already in it. The useful test is how we respond to another perspective or contrary evidence, rather than how rational our own position feels.
When to use it
When evaluating a personal conflict, instead of focusing on proving your own reasoning, actively try to understand the other person's perspective and the values behind it.
In a team meeting, when a colleague presents a view that contradicts your own, before rebutting, ask clarifying questions to ensure you genuinely grasp their argument.
When reading news or social media, audit your reactions: are you seeking information that challenges your beliefs, or are you only consuming content that confirms them?
Before making an important decision, list reasons why your preferred option might be wrong, and assess them as seriously as you would the reasons in favor.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
The Cat Dilemma
A man wants his girlfriend to give away her cat before moving in together, believing his request is rational. He posts on Reddit's 'Am I the Asshole?' forum expecting validation, but instead the community overwhelmingly concludes that he is the asshole, highlighting his failure to see the situation from his girlfriend's perspective and his overconfidence in his own objectivity.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a recent disagreement where you felt you were being completely rational. What evidence might show that you were actually defending a predetermined position rather than seeking truth?
How can you distinguish between genuinely objective thinking and the mere feeling of objectivity? What specific behaviors would you look for?
Recall a time when you were convinced you were right but later realized you were wrong. What clues did you miss that could have alerted you to your bias earlier?
Often confused with
References
- Am I the Asshole? Reddit post about cat (2018) — Anonymous Reddit user (2018)
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- The Scout Mindset (Julia Galef)