Give Concrete Examples, and Use a Gentle Approach
In Erikson’s color model, Greens are described as valuing relationships and avoiding conflict. His feedback advice is to name the behavior, explain its effect, and speak gently.
THE IDEA
Give Concrete Examples, and Use a Gentle Approach
Erikson recommends giving a person he describes as Green specific examples of the behavior you want to discuss. Explain how it affects you, and make a clear request.
His advice rests on the model’s description of Greens as concerned about relationships and reluctant to offend. It does not establish that Greens always respond well or that people assigned other colors will not listen.
When to use it
Giving constructive feedback to a team member who values harmony and avoids conflict.
Resolving a misunderstanding with a friend who is sensitive to criticism.
Asking a partner who avoids conflict to change a habit while leaving room for their response.
Inviting a child to share worries by listening and talking openly about feelings.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Addressing a Colleague’s Bluntness
If a Green colleague interrupts frequently during meetings, name the interruption and its effect: 'When I’m interrupted, I feel discouraged and it’s harder to share my ideas. I’d really appreciate it if you let me finish.'
Giving Feedback to a Green Friend
If a Green friend cancels plans last minute, share your feelings: 'I feel disappointed when plans change suddenly because I was really looking forward to spending time together. It would mean a lot to me if you could let me know earlier next time.'
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a Green person in your life. How might you use concrete examples and gentle language to address a recent conflict?
How does the approach for Greens differ from how you would communicate with a Red personality? What might happen if you used the same strategy for both?
Why might expressing your feelings be more effective with Greens than with other personality types? What underlying traits make this work?
Often confused with
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)