Getting Experts on Your Side

Many people don’t want to reach out to experts for help, either because they don’t think it’s an option, or because they’re afraid of being a nuisance. Sometimes, if we know the expert, we’re embarrassed. Maybe they’ll discover how much we don’t know!

If you have any anxieties of this sort, the first thing to understand is that experts love sharing what they’ve learned when they know it’ll make a difference. Helping others achieve their goals is one of the things that make life and work meaningful. To put it in perspective, think of a time in your life when someone asked you for help on something you excel at, and you came through for them. How did it feel? For most of us, sharing expertise feels pretty good. We enjoy exercising an ability we have, and we also enjoy gaining recognition for having it.

Experts don’t treat all requests for help equally, though. Some requests really don’t feel good to receive. Usually these are requests of the tell-me-what-I-should-do type. Often these people haven’t done the work ahead of time, they just want you to decide for them. I get hundreds—if not thousands—of these requests a year. People want me to solve their problems for them. They send twenty pages of thoughts and say, “What should I do?”

Remember: the goal isn’t to have someone tell you what to do; rather, it’s to learn how an expert thinks about the problem, which variables they consider relevant, and how those variables interact over time. If you present a problem, and an expert simply tells you what to do, they’re just giving you an abstraction. You might get the answer right, but you haven’t learned anything. And if things go wrong, which they inevitably will, you won’t have a clue as to why. You’re the line cook masquerading as the chef. If you ask them how they think about the problem, that’s when you start deepening your understanding.

So let’s talk about how to approach an expert in a way that will set your request apart and get people excited to help you. Here are five tips:

• Show that you have skin in the game: When you reach out to an expert, make them aware of the time, energy, and money you’ve already invested in the problem. Let them know you’ve done the work and that you’re stuck. When I see requests from someone who shows they’re invested in solving a problem, and who demonstrates they’ve done their research to craft a pitch around a very specific issue I can help with, I’m happy and eager to respond. Contrast that with emails that say, “Hey Shane, what do you think of this investment opportunity?” Which would you be more excited to answer?
• Get precise on your ask: Be very clear what you’re looking for. Are you looking for them to review your plan and provide feedback? Are you looking for them to introduce you to people who can solve the problem? Whatever it is that you want, just be clear.
• Show respect for their time and energy: Explicitly stating that the person you’re reaching out to is an expert whose time and energy you respect goes a long way to secure their goodwill. You should also demonstrate your respect for them, though. For instance, do not ask for fifteen minutes to pick their brain; instead, ask if they offer one-off consulting sessions and how much they charge for them. Experts are expensive and most of the time for good reason. If you’re paying $1,000 to $2,000 per hour for something, it forces you to get clear on what you want before you hop on the call. Paying for someone’s time not only compensates them for the value they bring to the table but forces you to make sure you’re not mumbling through the call and wasting their time and yours.
• Ask for their reasons and listen: As mentioned previously, don’t just ask experts what they think, ask them how they think. Use them as a resource to train yourself how to evaluate things so that you can start embodying an expert way of operating. You don’t have to agree with what they’re saying, but remember: your goal is to learn from them how to think better, not to have them solve your problem for you.
• Follow up: If you want to build a network and make this more than a transactional request, follow up to report on your progress no matter what the outcome is. Whether their advice helped you in this case or not, following up and keeping them updated on your progress primes them to help you in the future. When they see that you took their advice seriously, they’re going to want to help you again.

Of course, most experts aren’t able to respond to everyone who needs their help. It’s much easier if you develop a personal relationship with people before you need their help. That way the request isn’t purely transactional. It’s impossible to predict which fields you might someday need an expert in, but that’s one reason to cast a wide net socially and professionally. I just looked at my inbox last week and had fifty-three requests for “help” in one form or another. Two were from friends. I can’t reply to them all, so where do you think my time will go?