Don't Get Too Personal If You Don't Know Each Other That Well
Erikson advises against assuming that unfamiliar colleagues welcome personal warmth before critical feedback. His color framework contrasts a Blue’s possible suspicion with a Red’s preference for directness; check the individual’s preferences before choosing an approach.
THE IDEA
Do Not Get Too Personal If You Don’t Know Each Other That Well
In Erikson’s color framework, a Yellow or Green boss could easily pat a Blue on the shoulder and be personal in the run-up to a meeting where they are planning to give some tough negative feedback. The reason is simple—they know that they would react very negatively themselves if someone were just to jump straight into criticism without softening them up first. This is the worst way to approach a Blue. He’ll just get suspicious and won’t listen the way you want him to.
Think about how a Red would have done things. He would simply have booked a meeting, sat down, and shoved the paper with the negative result at the person. (If he had such a paper. If it was about giving feedback to a neighbor about all the leaves that have blown into his garden, he would simply hand him a garbage bag with all the leaves and ask him to count them.) A Red won’t dress things up. He gets straight to the point. Usually, he won’t have any problem telling you that your work isn’t good enough. Having a project drag on is inexcusable, and because he hoped that everything would be finished a day earlier and not a day too late he’s now deeply upset.
When to use it
Giving performance feedback to a new team member whose communication preferences you have not yet learned.
Addressing a mistake or delay with a colleague who has a reputation for being direct and no-nonsense.
Deciding whether to use small talk before a difficult conversation with a client you haven't built rapport with.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Approaching a Blue with feedback
In Erikson’s illustration, a Yellow or Green boss tries to soften negative feedback with a personal gesture, but the Blue recipient becomes suspicious. The practical question is whether this person welcomes that approach, especially when the relationship is new.
Red's direct feedback style
Erikson portrays a Red as presenting a negative result without preamble. His exaggerated neighbor example involves handing over a bag of fallen leaves and asking the neighbor to count them. It illustrates bluntness rather than prescribing how to handle a disagreement.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a time you received negative feedback. Was the approach too personal or too direct? How did it affect your reaction?
How would you tailor feedback for someone who values directness compared with someone who welcomes a gentler introduction? How could you check that preference?
What are the risks of using a 'softening' approach with someone you don't know well?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)