Blue Personality: Personal Space and Distance
Erikson describes Blues as needing time and personal space before opening up. He argues that limited interest in small talk can be mistaken for indifference, particularly by people who expect more sociability.
THE IDEA
“I Don’t Really Know You, So Keep Your Distance.”
You’ve done it. I’ve done it. We’ve all done it. Gone up to a person who seems to be a decent fellow and started talking about this and that thinking you’re going to have a nice chat. After a while, you realize that you’re the one doing all the talking. If you have Yellow traits in your behavior, you may notice that there are strange pauses in the dialogue. If there really is a dialogue. You may notice that the other person fidgets a bit, signaling that he doesn’t want to be part of this conversation.
“What’s going on? We’re just talking about the game yesterday, or about what the family did last summer, or where you intend to go on vacation. Do we have a problem, or what?”
Yes, in fact we do, because this person doesn’t willingly speak with strangers. “Wait a minute,” you may say. “We’ve been working together for three months, and by now it should be perfectly okay to ask what his dog’s name is.” But this guy requires a lot of personal space, both physically and psychologically. He needs to know a person extremely well before opening up. Not like a Red, who lets out with whatever he feels; not like a Yellow, who reveals his darkest secrets because he assumes that everyone is interested; or like a Green, who can be personal, but only in small groups and in a controlled environment.
A Blue doesn’t need small talk. He can easily give the impression that he doesn’t care about other people, because he doesn’t cultivate any relationships. Sure, he cares, but his needs are on a different level than everyone else’s. He likes being in his own company and with immediate family.
The consequence is clear for those around him: They find him coldhearted and distant. That personal bubble is obvious, and it can be very chilly, particularly for Yellows and Greens. And so they call their Blue friend a bore. Blues can easily make us feel ill at ease. “Why is he so cold and dismissive? Doesn’t he care about me at all?”
When to use it
Understanding a new team member's reserved behavior in a workplace setting
Improving cross-personality communication in relationships
Recognizing signs that a colleague or friend needs more personal space before opening up
Reducing misjudgments about a person's character based on their social reserve
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Workplace Small Talk Failure
A Blue employee has been working alongside a Yellow colleague for three months. The Yellow tries to chat about last night's game or weekend plans, but the Blue responds with short answers, avoids eye contact, and seems eager to end the conversation. The Yellow feels rejected and assumes the Blue doesn't like them.
Family Gathering Awkwardness
At a family reunion, a Blue individual sits quietly reading, only engaging with immediate family. Other relatives (especially Greens and Yellows) interpret this as being unfriendly or uninterested, leading to strained interactions.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of someone you know who fits the Blue personality description. How might their need for personal space be misinterpreted in your relationship?
When have you felt uncomfortable because someone was too distant or too close? Could that be a personality style difference?
How can you adapt your communication style to make a Blue person feel more at ease without violating their boundaries?
Often confused with
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)