Behavioral Profiling and Adaptation

Erikson uses behavior profiles to discuss how people adapt their communication. His account of Adam’s objections raises a practical question: how much can you change your approach while remaining yourself?

An Example from Real Life

I’m going to tell you a true story about a man I met during a training conference many years ago, a likeable and very popular private entrepreneur who achieved great success in his field. This man—let us call him Adam—was extremely Yellow, a real visionary with ambitious plans that were only occasionally put into effect.

Adam had never thought about or reflected on how he behaved as a person or how he was perceived by others. There had never been any reason to. Someone had persuaded him to come to this conference, and he didn’t really know what he was getting himself into.

The topic that day was the same as this book; it was a full-day workshop where we worked on how to understand different behavior profiles. After the lunch break, I saw that something was troubling Adam. His face was serious, and his body language had become very closed. When I started talking again and explaining the various profiles, he sank deeper and deeper into his chair, and it was obvious to me that he was thinking about something else.

I asked what was troubling him.

There was an explosion. He exclaimed, “This is wrong! How could I categorize people like that? Put people into a theoretical grid system?” It turned out that he didn’t like the idea of adapting to other types of people, but not because he thought that everyone had to adapt to him. No, what worried him was that he saw it as a way to manipulate others and he didn’t like it. Didn’t like it at all, in fact.

Everyone wondered what the real problem was. Adam believed that you couldn’t categorize people this way. That using a lot of models was just wrong. He thought that it was highly dangerous not to go on pure feeling.

Someone in the group made it clear to him that he of all people should listen, since he was the one who attracted conflict. The debate was soon in full swing, and after thirty minutes I had to call a time-out.

I can understand Adam’s concern, and I respect the fact that he raised the issue. What worried him was that it wouldn’t work: If everyone adapted to one another, no one would be themselves any longer. In his way of thinking, that would be the greatest deception—not to be yourself.

There’s something in what he said. At the same time, of course, you can always choose how much or little you modulate your behavior. The more you learn about other people, the easier it becomes for you to make decisions. Join in the game, or go your own way? The decision will always be yours.

Furthermore, Adam was also deeply resentful that I, as a specialist in the field, could describe him in quite some detail and give examples of how I thought he was wired. When he looked at the assessment tool that describes an individual, he went completely silent.

Ultimately, after we sat down and discussed the matter Adam came to understand the role and benefits of behavior assessment. But he taught me to be careful with how I use this knowledge.