Be Sure to Explain That the Behavior Is the Problem, Not the Person
When giving negative feedback to a Green personality type, explicitly state that the behavior is the issue, not the person, and follow up with positive feedback to reassure them through actions, not just words.
THE IDEA
Be Sure to Explain That the Behavior Is the Problem, Not the Person
As with Yellows, dealing with a Green is like dealing with young children—"Daddy loves you, sweetie, but can you please stop eating ice cream on the sofa?" The risk is that the negative feedback will damage your relationship with the person. But you can easily solve this by quickly coming back to the person with good news and positive feedback. In this case, it's not enough just to say that you're only concerned about one problematic issue. You need to show in action that you're not planning to assassinate him. He must be reassured by what you do, not just by what you say.
When to use it
Delivering constructive criticism during a performance review for an employee who takes feedback personally.
Correcting a team member's error in a way that preserves their motivation and trust.
Providing honest feedback to a friend or partner without damaging the relationship.
Training managers to give feedback that differentiates between behavior and identity.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Parent-Child Analogy
The text uses the example of a parent telling a child: 'Daddy loves you, sweetie, but can you please stop eating ice cream on the sofa?' The parent affirms the person while addressing the behavior.
Workplace Feedback
After criticizing a Green colleague for a mistake in a report, you immediately follow up by praising their overall diligence and previous contributions to show you value them as a person.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
How can you separate the person from the behavior when giving negative feedback to someone sensitive?
What specific actions could you take to reassure a Green personality that your criticism is not personal?
Recall a time you received feedback that felt personal—what would have made it feel constructive instead?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)