Ask the Person to Repeat What You’ve Said—and Follow Up Soon Afterwards
Erikson recommends asking a detail-oriented employee to restate what was agreed, then following up on action. Repetition can reveal what they heard, but it does not establish that they accept the feedback or its reasoning.
THE IDEA
When I hold seminars on leadership, the issue of giving feedback is often raised. It’s an extremely complicated subject, because we allow our emotions to direct us when we give feedback (and receive it!). But for Blues I give the same advice as I do for other colors: Ask your Blue employee to repeat what you’ve agreed to. He needs to duly acknowledge that he has seen and heard the same things you have said.
It’s very likely that he’ll be able to repeat everything more or less verbatim, but it’s just as likely that he hasn’t taken the message to heart if you were vague in your delivery or too fixed on protecting your relationship. He understands that he should repeat what he knows you want to hear him say. But this isn’t the same thing as him believing your negative feedback was relevant.
The example I gave of the overdue project is a treacherous hidden trap. Because a project that’s delivered to a customer only has the value the customer believes it to have. Quality is of the utmost importance. If we’re careless—according to a Blue’s standards—we won’t get more orders from that customer. What will the lost revenue cost? So how can you value punctuality as being of more importance than the product itself? At the logical level, a Blue can make your objections seem nonsensical.
But if you know that you’re right (not just that it feels right), follow up afterwards to make sure that he’s back on track.
Conclusion: It’s difficult to criticize a perfectionist. He already knows the best method, and he won’t change his opinion just because you happen to have a fancier title on your business card. So it’s all about doing your homework very well.
You also need to remember that although it may be difficult to get a Blue to respond to feedback, he has no problem criticizing others. Remember, he sees all the mistakes everyone else makes and he will likely point out your mistakes when you least expect it. Not because he’s being vindictive, but just because you’ve botched up.
When to use it
A manager giving constructive criticism to a detail-oriented employee who prioritizes quality over deadlines.
A team leader providing performance feedback to a highly independent worker who resists external input.
A coach advising a perfectionist athlete on technique adjustments without triggering defensiveness.
A teacher offering corrections to a student who is extremely self-critical and resistant to suggestions.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Overdue Project Example
An employee defends a late delivery by arguing that quality matters more to the customer than punctuality. Discuss what the customer required of both quality and timing, agree on the next action, ask the employee to restate it, and follow up.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
How can you tell if a perfectionist has genuinely accepted your feedback versus just repeating it to appease you?
What steps can you take to make your feedback more convincing to someone who believes they already know the best method?
How might your own emotions affect the clarity of your feedback when dealing with a Blue personality?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)