Ask the Person to Repeat What You’ve Agreed To and Follow Up As Soon As You Can
This heuristic advises asking a person to repeat an agreement and following up promptly, especially useful for 'Yellow' personality types who resist change unless they feel it was their own idea.
THE IDEA
Ask the Person to Repeat What You’ve Agreed To and Follow Up As Soon As You Can
This is easier said than done. Both times we met right after our conversation, he was on the alert. At one point he remained silent during the entire party. Sure, it was a childish way to point out his misery, and it was clearly obvious that he was about to burst with frustration. Not allowing him to talk was like denying him oxygen. And what irritated him most of all was that no one around the table asked why he wasn’t saying anything. Couldn’t they see that he was putting on this show for their sake?
What happened was that his wife began speaking more, and people really enjoyed her conversation because she was so pleasant.
After a while, Janne went back to his usual self. It was the easiest way. He saw no direct benefit from keeping quiet. And Lena fell silent again. In Janne’s case, I valued our friendship more than trying to change his behavior. I never took up the issue again, but sometimes I take Janne breaks. I simply need to have a good rest from him. If he had been a coworker instead of a friend, I would have followed up several times to ensure he really made a change.
Conclusion: Despite their flexibility and creativity, Yellows are actually the most difficult to change. They don’t listen and only implement changes that they themselves have thought of. What you need to do is massage their egos as much as you can bear and put words into their mouths.
It’s worth remembering that their short memories also apply to hard feelings. Although they feel awful when criticized, they soon forget. They simply repress everything that is difficult or unpleasant. So if you can just cope with the groans and the moans and maybe a few tears in between, you can continue towards your goal. Achieving that change that will do you both a world of good.
With patience and perseverance, you’ll eventually succeed.
When to use it
When delegating tasks to a team member who is known to have strong opinions and a tendency to reject external suggestions.
When negotiating a behavioral change with a colleague who is sensitive to criticism but forgets negative feelings quickly.
When managing a friend or coworker who tends to revert to old habits after agreeing to change, requiring gentle and persistent follow-up.
When trying to implement a new process in an organization where some individuals prefer to generate their own solutions.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Janne's Silence Tactic
The narrator describes a friend, Janne, who responded to being asked to change by remaining silent in social situations to express frustration. Others ignored his silence and focused on his wife, Lena, eventually causing Janne to revert to his usual behavior because silence had no benefit. A 'Yellow' personality resists change and only adopts ideas they feel they originated.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
How can you ensure a person truly understands and agrees to a commitment before moving forward?
What strategies might help a resistant personality feel ownership of a change without them realizing the idea came from you?
In what situations is it better to accept a person's behaviors rather than try to change them, and how do you balance that with necessary follow-ups?
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)