Ask Better Questions
Persuasive listening and strategic questions can open minds and encourage change more effectively than arguing.
THE IDEA
A. Ask Better Questions
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Practice the art of persuasive listening. When we’re trying to open other people’s minds, we can frequently accomplish more by listening than by talking. How can you show an interest in helping people crystallize their own views and uncover their own reasons for change? A good way to start is to increase your question-to-statement ratio.
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Question how rather than why. When people describe why they hold extreme views, they often intensify their commitment and double down. When they try to explain how they would make their views a reality, they often realize the limits of their understanding and start to temper some of their opinions.
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Ask “What evidence would change your mind?” You can’t bully someone into agreeing with you. It’s often more effective to inquire about what would open their minds, and then see if you can convince them on their own terms.
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Ask how people originally formed an opinion. Many of our opinions, like our stereotypes, are arbitrary; we’ve developed them without rigorous data or deep reflection. To help people reevaluate, prompt them to consider how they’d believe different things if they’d been born at a different time or in a different place.
When to use it
Facilitating a heated discussion in a meeting to build consensus.
Helping a friend reconsider a strong but unsupported opinion.
Negotiating a compromise where both sides feel heard.
Teaching critical thinking by prompting students to examine the origins of their beliefs.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Shifting a political stance
Instead of arguing why someone's political view is wrong, ask: 'What evidence would change your mind?' and 'How did you originally come to believe that?' This can lead them to realize their position is less solid than they thought.
Managing a team disagreement
A team member insists on a project approach. Rather than debating why it's bad, ask: 'How would you implement that given our constraints?' They may discover practical hurdles, weakening their commitment.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a recent disagreement. How could you have increased your question-to-statement ratio?
When you ask someone 'why,' do they become more entrenched? Try asking 'how' next time and observe the difference.
What beliefs do you hold that might be arbitrary? Ask yourself how they would change if you were born in a different culture.
Often confused with
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Think Again The Power of Knowing What You Dont Know (Adam Grant)