Adapt to Others for Effective Communication
Erikson argues for adapting communication to the person receiving it. In practice, observe how someone responds and adjust the level of detail, pace, and tone instead of assuming your preferred style works for everyone.
THE IDEA
In a Perfect World
In the best of worlds, everyone can be themselves and everything functions smoothly from the word go. Everyone agrees at all times and conflicts don’t exist at all. This place is said to exist, and it’s called Utopia. But it’s not that simple. As I said at the beginning of this book, if you think that you can change everyone else, you’ll be very disappointed. It would surprise me if you could change anyone at all.
No matter who you are—Red, Yellow, Green, or Blue, or a combination of multiple colors—you will always be in the minority. Most of the people you encounter will be different from you. No matter how well balanced you are, you can’t be all the types at the same time. So you have to adapt to the people you meet. Good communication is often a matter of adapting to others.
But wait a minute, you might be thinking. That isn’t true. I can be myself. In fact, I never adapt myself for anyone, anytime, and it’s gone very well. It’s taken me this far in life.
Absolutely.
Naturally, everyone can start with themselves. That’s not a problem. But then, don’t expect to get through to other people with the message you’re trying to share. If you can live knowing that most of the people you meet won’t buy what you say, well, then you don’t have a problem.
When to use it
When giving feedback, adjust tone and detail to the recipient’s observed needs, then check what they understood.
During brainstorming, offer different ways to contribute, including time to think and a chance to speak.
In a negotiation, ask about priorities and tailor the discussion to the answers and relevant evidence.
FROM THEORY TO EVERYDAY LIFE
In practice
Adapting Feedback for a Green Personality
For a colleague who values harmony, whom Erikson might describe as Green, give specific feedback respectfully and explain its effect on the team. Check the person’s response instead of assuming that a color label predicts defensiveness.
Tailoring a Pitch for a Blue Personality
A colleague who asks for detailed evidence may benefit from documentation and a clear chain of reasoning. Another may want the overview first. Erikson calls these tendencies Blue and Yellow; ask what is useful rather than withholding evidence based on a label.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
Put it to work.
Think of a recent interaction that went poorly. How might adapting your communication style to the other person's personality have improved the outcome?
Which personality types do you find most difficult to communicate with? What specific adjustments could you make to connect better with them?
In what situations is it appropriate to stay true to your own style, and when is adapting to others more important for achieving your goals?
Often confused with
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
Source texts
- Surrounded By Idiots (Thomas Erikson)